


I'll bleed out for you

by Romennim



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Inspired by Fanart, M/M, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 02:00:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3272624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first, Bilbo barely understands what is happening, what his eyes are seeing. There's something shining in the man's hand, a thousand shades of light and bright.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll bleed out for you

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [Sanguinerò per te](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5894275) by [Romennim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim)
  * Inspired by [Bilbo's decision](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/95720) by GorryBear. 



> Inspired by this amazing fanart, [Bilbo's decision](http://gorrybear.deviantart.com/art/Bilbo-s-decision-484821344), by [GorryBear](http://gorrybear.deviantart.com/).
> 
> Title is from the lyrics of "Bleeding Out" by Imagine Dragons.   
> I often listen to this song when I'm writing Bagginshield, it is perfect for it.
> 
> Beta: [morena-evensong](morena_evensong.livejournal.com)
> 
> Please, read the tags before reading further. This is not a happy ending fic.

After the meeting (Bilbo is so dazed and in pain that he can't really say what the meeting was about; he doesn't know if the others had noticed his inattention or not, and he simply doesn't _care_ ), Bard approaches him with barely a glance towards the corner where everyone else is standing and thrusts his hand forward, making sure to shield what he’s doing with his body.

At first, Bilbo barely understands what is happening, what his eyes are seeing. There's something shining in the man's hand, a thousand shades of light and bright. Bilbo's heart skips a beat, then stops altogether. He feels like he's suffocating, drowning in light and pain and regret, and l--

A hand grips his shoulder, keeping him upright, while a voice bubbles apologies.

“I'm sorry, Bilbo, I shouldn't have sprung this on you, please, forgive me...”

He opens his mouth, but no words come out. He shudders and then looks up into Bard's face. The man's expression is a mixture of self-deprecation and genuine worry, but Bilbo can't muster the will to say he's fine, because that lie requires too much work. He feels so transparent lately -- no one would believe him anyway.

“I... It's fine,” he finally answers.

It is clearly not, but it's a lesser lie, and Bard doesn't call him out on it. Bilbo can't really say his heart is breaking again, after all.

“I'm sorry,” repeats Bard for the umpteenth time -- Bilbo wonders how it's possible no one has noticed yet what is happening between them. He leans a bit to the side, in order to see beyond the man's ridiculously tall legs, and realizes the entire room is looking at them, multiple expressions of concern directed at him. He doesn't know whether or not to feel grateful that no one has intervened yet.

“I just thought that... Beside being yours, I thought you would like to have it.” _As a token, as a reminder, as a memory,_ Bilbo knows Bard would continue, but doesn't.

Bard is a tactful person, at least most of the time (pulling the Arkenstone out of thin air isn't one of Bard's highest moment at all). This time, though, the man doesn't know everything, otherwise he wouldn't have offered him the stone like it was only the reminder of a friend: Bard has lost his wife and Bilbo can't believe the man would be so careless or so cruel as to wave the Arkenstone like that in front of him.

Still, he doesn't know, and Bilbo has to choose. Take the bloody stone or refuse it, risking having to relive this situation again some other time in the future?

Barely believing it himself, he extends his hand. Without a word, Bard puts the Arkenstone in his hand. At the contact, a warm sensation begins spreading through his palm, and up his arm. In a few seconds he feels like a warm, tender presence is engulfing him. He chokes on a whimper. Before, when he had touched it to steal it from Thorin, the stone had still shone brightly, but it had remained inert.

Now though... now, it feels like someone, like _Thorin_ , is enveloping him in a loving embrace and no, Bilbo can't take it. He can't.

A sob escapes him, and before anyone can say anything, his hand closes its grip on the stone, cradling it to his chest, and he's out the door, running towards his room, tears blinding his eyes.

He doesn't know how, but he reaches his room and, once inside, collapses to the floor. He holds the Arkenstone as close to his heart as possible and lies there, clutching it like it could disappear at any moment. He has hated it with passion, the physical reminder of Thorin's slow descent into madness, of what his love had been able to do in his hateful pride. But now, in this moment, it is his only anchor in the sea of pain threatening to overwhelm him.

Bilbo lies there, for minutes, for hours, for days, for _eternity_ , soaking up the warmth of his lost love, and he dreams of a future that can never be.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a [tumblr](http://romennim.tumblr.com/) now! I'm trying to learn how to use it, so come and say hi! :)


End file.
